Emotional First Aid

We men tend to want to comfort, fix and neutralize problems. We're problem solvers. But in relating, we need to learn how to deal with the discomfort of distress. When your partner is in distress, do this: VALIDATE their experience.

Don't tell them to calm down. Don't tell them everything will be OK. Don't try to fix it. Because even though you mean well, you'll be invalidating their experience.

Instead, be present and listen. Validate & acknowledge their feelings by simply reflecting their words back to them, demonstrating a large degree of attention. Gift them your presence to their experience.

We need to just stand there firmly rooted in the storm, and be able to just let it be and acknowledge what is happening to the other. Because validating someone's distressing experience is actually what calms the nervous system like nothing else. It's the first step in applying emotional first aid. And once the edge has been taken off, don't start fixing and problem-solving. You OFFER your service to dig a little deeper.

In service of the betterment of men,
Erik