Your child’s defiance isn’t the problem. It’s the pain it awakens in you. Here’s why you keep losing it...
Kids test boundaries. They’re specialists at it. By design.
They need to explore where their freedom ends.
They need to figure out how to get what they want.
They need to learn how to get daddy’s attention—
Whether it’s positive or negative. Attention is attention.
And because they instinctively push against those boundaries,
they’ll find our weak spots with precision.
And press exactly there to get a reaction.
This is where the danger starts.
They challenge us—not just into setting limits, but into emotional reactions. And not theirs—ours. When we feel disrespected, unseen, unheard, unloved— we flip into anger, sadness, or victimhood in a split second.
And that victimhood is dangerous territory.
Because most fathers don’t explode because they’re strong— they explode because they feel powerless.
And in that place, it feels justified to strike back.
This is the dark underbelly of fatherhood and anger. Where unprocessed pain becomes legacy. Where the father wound gets handed down. Where we go into emotional autopilot— and our kids carry the cost.
The rage that comes up? That’s the dragon.
It’s the fire you have to face.
The strength you must learn to hold.
This is what conscious fatherhood demands.
And it’s fucking hard.
Because to face it, you’d have to admit you’ve been ruled by it. That you never learned emotional regulation. That you were never taught what to do with pain— except suppress it or weaponize it.
But this is the real work of being a father.
To confront your own demons.
To give them a seat at the table.
And to stop passing them on in silence.
Most men don’t dare go there.
Because it hurts.
Because it feels like weakness.
Because it brings up trauma they’ve never named—
sometimes even childhood abuse they’ve buried.
But that’s where healing the father wound begins.
And that’s where your growth lives.
That’s the key to fatherhood. Not perfection. But presence. Not control. But connection. Embodied fatherhood. Leading not from reactivity— but from awareness.
If you don’t walk that path?
That dragon wins.
And your most valuable gift—your children—will take the blows.
The generational cycle continues.
Generational trauma repeats itself—and your child becomes its next host.
This is why I work with men who others label as “difficult.”
Men trapped in stories of victimhood.
Men who justify their behavior with: “Yeah, I did that… but you have to understand…”
I work with them—partly for their sake. But more so for their partners. And most of all—for their kids.
Do you recognize yourself in this?
Then here’s the invitation: Stop hiding behind your excuses. Be painfully honest about your actions. Own your transgressions. Because what you avoid, they will inherit.
No. More. Bullshit.
Let the shame in. The healthy shame. And own your story. This is where breaking the cycle begins.
This is your first step.
And it’s half the work.
Ready to do the work for real?
I currently have space for one man in my 3-month 1:1 mentorship for fathers navigating anger, emotional triggers, and parenting while carrying childhood trauma.
And this June, we’re holding another Bloodline Breaker Weekender— for men ready to face their pain so their kids don’t have to.
Click here to claim your spot or email me if you’re unsure if this is for you.
In service of the betterment of men,
Erik
Mentor of Men