Why Men Don't Trust To Open Up To Women
Most men don't trust women, when they tell us they want us to be more vulnerable, to open up. Here's why & what you can do about it.
Because we know there's a catch.
We've had to live with that catch our entire lives.
We've experienced it too often, that when we took a small step in opening up, we also had to take the blows from the way society has conditioned all of us. Me included.
We cling to our cultural, religious or even spiritual dogmas about masculine and feminine traits to stay away from our feelings of discomfort when someone deviates from the gendered blueprints.
Cognitively, you might disagree.
But emotionally, these beliefs are typically way more active than we'd like to admit.
So many of us cannot witness this in a man, without feeling uncomfortable. And so we try to get rid of our own feelings of discomfort by ridding the man in front of us of his own.
We might judge, suppress, stifle, or comfort away ("there there") the experience that he's having.
When you catch yourself feeling discomfort or having judgmental thoughts, stop what you're doing. And realize that there's a reason you do.
Brené Brown nailed it when she said, “You show me a woman who can actually sit with a man in real vulnerability & fear, and I'll show you a woman who's done incredible work.”
This works both ways. It's hard to truly be there for someone sharing deep emotions without letting your own feelings about their feelings get in the way.
The fact I'm writing about this doesn't mean I've nailed it myself. I'm still working on this. And lately, I've been failing miserably when my girlfriend's very emotional. Still, we're getting better at this, individually, and as partners.
The bottom line is that it can be done. But it takes a lot of self-work to get there. It’s definitely not the default setting for any of us, no matter your gender.
That's why I do what I do.
I don't want a world with men who all follow the same blueprint and hence are a dime a dozen. I want a world of real, raw, authentic, strong & kind men, who have mastered themselves and, through that self-mastery, know how to lead. From their hearts. And from their balls.
Lead themselves.
Lead their partners.
Lead their brothers and sisters.
And be a proud model for their sons and daughters.
Those are the best fathers and mothers.
The prime models for our next generation.
So do the work.
It might be hard.
But it'll be the most rewarding thing you'll ever do.
In service of the betterment of men,
Erik,
Mentor of Men
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