She Said She Wanted To Have Sex Tonight…

…but then she changed her mind.

Maybe the kids were a bit much,
Work stressed her out,
She's knackered after her long day,
She's not feeling well,
She's not in the mood any longer.

And you end up disappointed and frustrated… again…

This is a story many men share with me.

So guys, remember this:
Desire is not a contract.
Nor an obligation.

What she was saying,
Is that she desired you at that moment.
And that she genuinely intended to have sex with you.

But life happens.
Feelings change.

And then…
Many guys feel disappointed,
Led on, betrayed even.

It started with an expression of desire,
Which turned into a sense of entitlement,
Which turned into victimhood,
Which turned into pressure.

Don't go there.

Own your feelings.
Just as she is owning hers.

Your feelings are your feelings,
Being what they are: facts.

But if your reaction,
Is to guilt-trip her…
Your pressure will make her feel unsafe.

Unsafe to share her boundaries.
Unsafe to share her desire for you in future instances.
And thus walling off future possibilities of intimacy.

Through pressure, she'll maybe have sex with you,
But it'll be without desire,
And loaded with resentment.

Instead, honour her no.
For showing up to you authentically.
For bravely for speaking her truth.

Sharing her 'no', means she trusts you,
To respect her boundaries.

So when she does have sex with you,
It won't be out of guilt, pity, manipulation, or a fear of rejection.

It will be out of true desire.

In service of the betterment of men,
Erik
Mentor of Men