The Fallacy of Patriarchy

2 weeks ago, I was leading a sex-positive workshop at The Peacock Garden, where I invited participants to explore their desire to lead or follow. As someone who has been trained in tantra, I used the terms "masculine" and "feminine" to explain the polarity concept. Unfortunately, some of the non-binary and queer attendees felt excluded by the language I used. Being a 45-year-old white heteroflexible guy, it was a learning moment for me, and it led me to question the gendered categorization of human traits.

📸 Domin Meinema

I believe that all human traits are just that - human traits. They are not inherently masculine or feminine, but we have been conditioned to categorize them as such throughout history. For me personally, it was even enforced by reading David Deida and following tantric training. It taught me about polarity concepts by connecting gender identity to a person's behaviours and character traits. While there may be gender differences, labelling behaviours and character traits as masculine or feminine perpetuates stereotypes and can be harmful to all genders.

Now, when we look at the concept of patriarchy, it's often used to describe a system where males oppress, dictate, dominate, and rule. However, I don't believe this is the case. As a heterosexual white man, I have never felt that I should dominate or oppress women. In fact, I feel oppressed by societal expectations of how I should behave and what I should do based on my gender. Men are expected to be strong, emotionless, and not cry or show vulnerability, which is an unrealistic and even damaging standard.

The pressure to conform to traditional gender roles is harmful to everyone, and it limits our potential as human beings. Boys are taught to "become a man," which is a bloody fallacy. Boys are born male, and they should be allowed to express themselves fully without fear of judgment or shame. Instead, we need to embrace the diversity of human traits and create a culture that values emotional intelligence and vulnerability, regardless of gender.

As a mentor for men, my goal is to help (wo)men become fully integrated human beings. I have seen first-hand how the stereotypical view of gender can hurt men who struggle to be truly intimate and women who struggle to finally stand up for themselves. By challenging preconceived notions of gender, I encourage my clients to embrace their true selves and live authentically.

So basically, what I'm trying to say, is that the concept of patriarchy is a fallacy that distracts us from the real issues of gender stereotypes and the expectations that go along with it. We need to move beyond traditional gender roles and embrace the diversity of human traits to become fully integrated human beings. We're all in this together. It's not them and us. Let's create a culture that values emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and authenticity... For ALL genders.

In service of the betterment of men,
Erik
Mentor of Men

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