The Gray Area In #metoo
There's a massive grey area in #metoo.
It's not populated by Harvey Weinsteins, but rather by men that intend well, but lack self-awareness, skill and experience.
The man that feels he's being a good old casanova, brave enough to drop some well-meant compliments, intending to make her feel good, while the woman feels intimidated, violated, unsafe or uncomfortable.
It's a clusterfuck of good intentions paving the road to hell. It's time to rewrite the script.
Now let me start by coming clean myself: #ihave. I too have crossed the boundaries of women in the past without having that intention. At the time I wasn't aware of any harm, but afterwards, I deeply regretted it. I should have communicated more clearly and verbose. I thought that everything was clear. I thought I understood it all. But that turned out to be far from the truth.
Fortunately, wisdom comes with age and I understand it a lot better now. But maybe in 10 years, I'll be laughing at myself again, when I look back on today.
All in all, I now understand a lot better what my father always meant with "assumption is the mother of all fuckups". And when it comes to relationships, dating and sexuality, we assume a whole lot. We make a lot of assumptions because there is a lot of shame and taboo on these subjects. We tend to feel like a loser if we ask certain questions because we are afraid that it will radiate insecurity or that we would receive a disapproving answer, making us feel stupid or ignorant.
Still, it is necessary: TALK! Open that mouth of yours. And if it makes you feel like an idiot, so be it. Let's learn to communicate more and better about the hard topics, by asking, sharing desires, exposing fears, setting boundaries. Surprisingly enough, intimacy will also increase considerably and you will also discover new destinations that you would not otherwise navigate towards. I hope you can muster the courage to start doing this if you weren't already. Enjoy!
Have a beautiful day !
In service of the betterment of men,
Erik