My personal story

About 20 years ago, I was at the start of a successful business career. As a creative developer and agile coach, I worked on high-end projects for brands like Heineken, KLM, O’Neill, Tommy Hilfiger, VW, Lexus, Vodafone, Microsoft, Nintendo and Tikkie. I received praise, made a lot of money, won prestigious prizes, bought that car I always wanted, conquered & married the most beautiful woman and bought an expensive house.

Fast forward a couple of years.

I’m 34, married and father to a 2-year-old boy. I went to couples therapy for the first time in my life. My wife thought it might help us because we were seriously struggling and stuck. Therapy. I never expected I’d end up here. But I happily went along, convinced nothing was wrong with me: “I know exactly who I am, what I want. She’s the crazy one.” I’d show her!

Fifteen minutes into our first session, my life was turned upside down. I got knocked the fuck out. I wasn’t able to answer the simplest of questions:

“HOW. DO. YOU. FEEL?“

1 month later I signed up for a 2-year training at a coaching institute. Boy, was I in for a ride.

You see, I lacked basic human skills, especially as a man. Nobody ever taught me what it really means to be a man. I needed to learn how to deeply connect and communicate. What it meant to be present. It was time to stop bullshitting myself and honestly self-reflect, disarm my ego, discover my blind spots, acknowledge my parental patterns and own up to my weaknesses. For the first time, I experienced what it meant to be real. To drop the facade & be authentic, present, vulnerable & intimate in relationships and sex. And I can tell you: it felt so frickin’ good!

Looking back, it’s hard to believe how clueless I was back in 2012. Until then, I had followed some default path, cut out by society and my parents. But I couldn’t go on like this anymore. I divorced my wife and started over with a clean slate. Starting then and there, every step, every choice, would be with autopilot turned off.

After 2 years of therapy & coaching training, I went deeper down the rabbit hole. Because integrating the takeaways from the narrative process in therapy into one’s life, is a whole other ball game. Every step I took after that, opened a whole new world to me. Since therapy, I’ve done bodywork training, tantra retreats, initiated and participated in men’s circles, (positive) psychology studies, primal therapies, and lots of self-work and spiritual practice.

And now I’m here. After over a decade on this journey, I’ve decided it’s time to give back to others all that I have learned. To my fellow men, to the young boys, to my brothers, but also to our women - directly and indirectly.

So let us improve and become better men. Because the world is in dire need of it.