Melissa Armston
Kenilworth, England • 49 years old • Building Surveyor • Recovering workaholic
I am 39 years old, a Building Surveyor in England and feel happy when moving, walking, running, and doing yoga. Also, I’m a bit of a recovering workaholic. I have only had short-term relationships and I was keen to break this pattern and experience being in a close, intimate long-term relationship.
My situation before the mentorship program, and why I sought help from Erik
I had just started dating a man that I saw as having great potential for growth but I was really struggling with it at times, mainly attachment stuff which in the past has often meant I have ended relationships too quickly. I really wanted somebody who I could talk to every week about what was coming up for me in dating the guy I was seeing with the aim of expressing my true needs, wants, boundaries, and vulnerabilities – essentially the real me but ultimately I wanted to get over my fear of abandonment and look to explore relationships and my sexuality!
My previous experience with coaching/therapy
I was in therapy from 2012 until 2020. I also undertook a coaching programme with Naomi Cambridge in 2020 which really helped me to learn about my beliefs, patterns, attachment styles, nervous system regulation and how much this has impacted me and my relationships.
“I chose to work with Erik as I realised I had perhaps certain biases, negative beliefs, and misunderstandings about men that really need to be questioned!”
My situation before the mentorship program, and why I sought help from Erik
I had just started dating a man that I saw as having great potential for growth but I was really struggling with it at times, mainly attachment stuff which in the past has often meant I have ended relationships too quickly. I really wanted somebody who I could talk to every week about what was coming up for me in dating the guy I was seeing with the aim of expressing my true needs, wants, boundaries, and vulnerabilities – essentially the real me but ultimately I wanted to get over my fear of abandonment and look to explore relationships and my sexuality!
My previous experience with coaching/therapy
I was in therapy from 2012 until 2020. I also undertook a coaching programme with Naomi Cambridge in 2020 which really helped me to learn about my beliefs, patterns, attachment styles, nervous system regulation and how much this has impacted me and my relationships.
Were there any hesitations or concerns before deciding to work with Erik?
I was a little nervous to work with Erik mainly because he was a man but that was also one of the main reasons. I also really wanted to get a male perspective on some of the issues I was dealing with so I could understand men and my partner more.
Why I chose Erik’s coaching
It was really critical for me to ensure that I had a safe space and I felt seen and heard and this is exactly what Erik offered in our initial consultation! I also liked that he would set concrete goals/homework after each session and would be looking to hold me accountable which I felt I really needed to move forward.
My experience throughout the sessions
I have experienced a lot of anxiety embarking on this relationship and Erik was always very patient with this, listening to my worries and giving me space to really feel what was going on for me but then often putting things in prospective and then coming up with a concrete action if needed. I also really appreciated that he offered text message support as this often meant that when my anxiety was peaking or I was triggered, I had someone who I reach out to and settle my nervous system rather than reacting to the situation or my fear!
Positive – I really appreciated how much Erik encouraged me to push through some comfort zones but also really recognise this and congratulate me on this afterwards which really helped me to see that I was making progress and encouraged me to keep going!
Vulnerable – I have lost count of the number of times I have cried during Erik’s sessions but this really helped me to know that my emotional and sensitive side is OK and it’s OK for me to reveal this in other areas of my life. I now feel comfortable sharing my anxieties & sensitive side more with people and my partner!
On point – I would often turn up to sessions with a myriad of thoughts and not really knowing what I wanted from the sessions. Erik was excellent at deciphering these thoughts and finding out what was really going on for me at that point in time and coming up with a concrete topic/goal for the session.
Neutrality – I really liked that Erik was not afraid to call me out on my bullshit sometimes when I perhaps had a hidden contract or had too high expectations or a sense of entitlement with my partner!
Prospective – I have lost count of the number of times, Erik put my worries in prospective and make me laugh at myself which is often what I needed.
“Erik has really helped me to define some of my boundaries but also articulate them in a manner that is respectful rather than demanding! This has allowed me to create better trust in myself, that I’ve got my back but also better, clear & authentic relations with my partner.”
Top 3 benefits I've gained from the mentorship program
One of the biggest realisations of me was how much of a self-saboteur I had which Erik often called me out on and stopped me from ending a beautiful relationship and taking lots of risks which has ultimately taught me a lot about myself, others and relationships. I essentially learned to trust myself, others and life more!
Boundaries – I am a people pleaser especially when it comes to intimate relationships and Erik has really helped me to define some of my boundaries but also articulate them in a manner that is respectful rather than demanding! This has allowed me to create better trust in myself, that I’ve got my back but also better, clear & authentic relations with my partner.
Sexlife – I have never really enjoyed sex too much but working with Erik, I have managed to push through many fears and inhibitions in this area and begin to relax in my partner’s company and really enjoy sex!
My transformation and the results of the mentorship program
During the coaching sessions I found out that I am an anxious person and that’s ok but by dropping my guard, dropping my walls, I can actually get the intimacy that I am looking for and bit by bit, by facing my fears, I can get new imprints and chip away at my anxiety and proving some of my anxieties are not true!
Fear - I spoke to one of my biggest fears where I thought something was wrong with me, I will be judged and cast aside but Erik made me realise that I have a harsh inner critic and none of this is in fact true and I shall forever be grateful for the space he held as it created a new imprint for revealing this fear or other fears in the future.
Compassion – A big shift that I noticed is that I have much more compassion and love for men now, am much less defensive and guarded, but also more appreciative of their qualities!
“If the mentorship program was worth my investment?”
“Absolutely so much so that I continued to work with Erik much after the 3-month program. I’ve also recommended it to several friends of mine.”
Who would benefit from the program and why
Anybody interested in exploring relationships and their sexuality but also any women interested in understanding men or their man better!
If you’re really struggling with relationships, whether that’s dating, long-term partnership or just relationships in life in general and want to understand yourself or relationships better; work with Erik!
A last personal note…
I have now been seeing the man in question for around 8 months, I have learnt lots and am proud of myself for not running but I could not have done any of this without Erik’s help! Thank you, Erik! I shall be forever grateful for your time and support and all that it allowed me to overcome and experience in my relationships.
